There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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