Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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