Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
