I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
