I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
