new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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