oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
