O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
