weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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