I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
