ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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