Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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