youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
