Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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