Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
