Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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