Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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