Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
