my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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