I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
