I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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