If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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