and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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