Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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