took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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