So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
