she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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