I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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