I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
