surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
