If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
