i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
