I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
