So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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