So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
