Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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