I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
