thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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