The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
