So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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