i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
