??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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