I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
