you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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