I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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