The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
