There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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