You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
