The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
