once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
